What Now?

Saturday I finished graduate school, walked across a stage and collected my Master of Business Administration.  This begs the question, “What now?”

The short answer: *shrug*

The long answer: I promised my boss that I would be here until September. Summer is our busy time when a lot of my job functions come together and it wouldn’t be right to leave in the middle of all of that.

I want to leave the college. This has been my day-in, day-out for eight years and while I love it, it’s time to move on. It’s time to see what else the world has and what else I can learn, grow and do. It’s time to figure out exactly what that is.

Not leaving for a few more months (at least) also gives me the freedom to not feel pressured to look for a new job, because even if I found something, I couldn’t take it until September anyway, and most employers won’t be like “Suuuuuure we’ll wait 4 months for you!”

In the mean time, I need a new goal and that goal is getting back on the workout wagon. This goal is going to suck but it needs to happen again. I am not in a positive place this morning.

Thoughts on Weddings

One of my dearest childhood friends got married on Saturday, and it’s gotten me thinking, as weddings always do for single ladies.

Weddings for old friends mean that you are going to see lots of other old friends, people with whom you are Facebook friends, so you know some details of their lives, but you probably haven’t spoken directly in a while.  That leads to lots of “so what are you doing now” conversations.  Thankfully, this time, I had a zinger with grad school.  It’s nice to head into a wedding with something to be confident about.

Weddings make me feel vulnerable, because they separate the “got it all togethers” from the “kickin’ its.”*  At 26 and single and not sure what I want to do with my life, I’m in the kickin’ it category.  Since people can’t ask about your significant other or your kids, nice safe topics that usually yield cheerful happy answers, I asked and answered a lot of general questions, including the dreaded: “So what do you want to do now?” Ah, that question. I’ve been avoiding you since high school and I don’t have any better idea now than I did then.  This is where being a member of the kickin’ its really SUCKS because 1) you have to answer all these questions yourself, and 2) answering “not sure yet” makes you look sort of sad. Or at least, I felt sort of sad. There was obviously self-pity at work here and I won’t pretend there wasn’t.

Self-categorization aside, it was a lovely wedding. My friend and her new husband are adorable, and they’re so grounded in their faith and in their relationship that I know they’ll do well. I’m glad my friend is happy and that she’s found someone to share her life with, because she’s amazing and she deserves that.

*I made these up and obviously no matter where you fall, YOU are awesome. Keep doing what you’re doing, unless what you’re doing is drugs, then don’t do those.

Self-Serving Post

Reblogged from Starlight Book Reviews:

Hi. This is awkward but remember how I told you about grad school? The video below is for a project in which we were asked to make a video, post it, and try to make it go viral. This is that video, this is that try, and all I ask is that you click play. It's a minute long, and it's all inspirational and montagy and seriously, it is a minute long.

Read more… 108 more words

Reblogging from my own other blog, LOL. Link: http://youtu.be/gQ7FzRk9GFc

In Which I Have a Day, and Not a Good One

If today were a storybook or a sitcom, it would be one of those episodes where the character has a bad day.  Nothing tragic happens, but mishap after mishap after annoyance after insanity occur all day long, until the character is so insanely angry or cranky or paranoid for the next big thing that they do something stupid, like go on an impromptu vacation and not tell anyone where they’re going. They go off the grid because if you can’t escape your problems, then you can run away from them for 24 hours.

And folks, I’d like to.

Nothing tragic or life-changing happened, but four individuals made me outrageously annoyed, one student talked and complained for literally his entire 2-hour shift, making for a crappy day overall, which finally culminated in me being late for class because I got behind an old person going 20 MPH and then some dainty little flowers at the college couldn’t get an umbrella and WALK to the library in the LIGHT DRIZZLE, meaning I had to park at the dorms instead of at my class building, where I finally arrived late for our guest speaker.

Suffice to say, my day has not been good and my attitude is not so good right now either.  I am TIRED of the creepers at my job and I am TIRED of my classes, even the one I like and I just want to curl up on my couch and never, ever leave it.  Which is illogical because then I wouldn’t be at work, wouldn’t earn my salary, couldn’t pay my rent, and then they’d throw me and my couch out onto the street, resulting in homelessness.

What do you do when you’re so cranky that you want to scream and punch things? How do you deal?  (I’m really asking. What coping mechanisms do you employ to lift yourself out of a horrible mood?)

Can You Taste the Freedom? I Can. It Tastes Awesome.

Hiiiiiii.  It’s been a while, yeah?

I know I’ve sort of fallen off the radar over here the last few months. Posts have been sporadic at best and nonexistent if I’m honest.

One of the reasons for this is my book blog.  I’ve been trying to be a better blogger over there, which means low priority over here.  If you like the young adult and/or fantasy genres, check me out.

The other reason is simple, and you’ve heard it before.  Say it with me now: GRAAAD SCHOOOOOL.  Working full-time and going to grad school two nights a week is kicking my tail.  Like, I’m pretty sure my brain will never recover.

That said, the agony education will be over in 40 days.  Graduation is in 51 days. Soon, I’ll be done and I can go home at night and sit on the couch. I won’t have to work on group papers or PowerPoints or study for quizzes. I counted and between my two classes, we were assigned 13 group projects this semester.  THIRTEEN.  I mean holy crap professors!

In approximately 3 group presentations, 1 video project, 2 group papers, 2 individual written assignments, and 2 quizzes, I will be done.

That’s such a freeing feeling, even though there’s so much left to do.  I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, taste the freedom, smell the liberty.  I’M ALMOST DONE.

Of Thin Walls

Every few weeks, the girl who lives on the other side of my bedroom wall has an emotional breakdown. I can hear her crying. Sometimes it’s 10:30. Sometimes it’s midnight.

She cries and talks, and I always wonder: is she talking to someone? Is she on the phone? Does she live with someone to whom she is talking? Is she talking out her troubles to herself? Is she pouring them out to God, as I once did in my own bedroom before I realized just how thin these walls are? Now when I pray, if I’m just talking, I talk normally and I pace and I do chores, but if I’m breaking, I break quietly. Because the walls are paper thin, and only God is allowed to hear me then.

Then I wonder: if she’s alone, and she is obviously hurting because I can hear the sobs, should I leave a friendly note? Is it the apartment next to mine or below mine or diagonal down from mine? I’m never quite sure but I’d hazard a guess she’s right next to me because the sounds are clear, though I can’t tell what she saying. And if it were me, as it once was before I realized how thin the walls are, I’d be embarrassed and I wouldn’t want some random stranger neighbor leaving me notes saying “I heard you crying last night. Are you okay?” Because obviously she wasn’t and that’s creepy.

And then I hope she’s okay, and I whisper a prayer for her. And I wait for the next time.

Facebook Status Updates About Mommydom

If you knew me, you’d know I’m in favor of babies. For other people, you go for it. For me, I will go for it eventually when there’s a man. And a ring. And I don’t live in a 642 sq ft apartment.

Several of my friends have babies now. (Yes, it freaks me out.) I love my nephew to an almost unhealthy degree and when he gets a little bro or sis, he or she will join that exhausted club of my adorable munchkins to spoil.

But y’all, I wish I had a Facebook status filter about diapers, teething, breast feeding, and “finally getting a date night with the hubs” because I don’t give a flying crap. Not because these are not important, or that they don’t have the right to say them, but because I don’t give a flying crap.

Of Mall Santas

Or Walmart Santas. Really, I’m talking about any Santa that isn’t like, your dad or grandpa.

This is one Christmas tradition that baffles me and just doesn’t make sense. All year long, we tell our kids: don’t talk to strangers. But at Christmas, we haul them off to the mall, stand in line, and force them to sit in the laps of strangers who have no better job than mall Santa. 11 months out of the year these men are doing who knows what, but for that one month, suddenly it doesn’t matter? And furthermore, you can’t see their face under the Santa beard so if the background check the mall hopefully conducts misses something and they are a pervert, good luck IDing them.

My brother shares this paranoid opinion with me, and luckily, my nephew hasn’t been subjected to mall Santa lap.  My future kids will not either.

Thanksgiving Recap

I was blessed enough to be able to visit my family last week for Thanksgiving, and it was the recharge I desperately needed.  I don’t know why I’ve been in such a funk throughout November.  Now that I’ve seen them, I am determined not to allow the funk to come back.  I AM GOOD.  BRAIN, HEART, SPIRIT, WE ARE GOOD.

Now, you’re familiar with the Boogie, my cute nephew whom I love so very, very much.  I got to hug and squeeze and cuddle that adorable little squirt for 3 days and oh, my heart, it was wonderful.  He’s all about the iPad these days, and we spent a lot of time playing the “Fix It Felix Jr” game and repeating, “I’M GONNA WRECK IT!” in Ralph voices.  Sometimes he’d stop and look over and say, “Aunt Terri, I love you.”  And oh, my heart, it would melt.  Melt, melt, melt.  Then I’d tell him, “I love you too, Boogie-face,” and he’d give me one of those sweet, chipmunk grins, and keep fixing the windows that Ralph was intent on breaking.

It’s hard to pick a favorite moment when you’re with your family.  Cooking and grocery shopping with my mom, snuggling with the Boogie, and watching Big Bang Theory with Jay were all great moments of closeness with my family.  One sticks out in my mind though, enough that I feel the need to type it out and preserve it.

Doug and I have been playing “Kingdoms of Camelot: Battle for the North” for a while now.  It’s addicting and fun and the social aspect of the game has kept my interest high.  Our alliance is currently about to go to war.  It happens.  It’s a war game, no big deal.  Jay listened to us talk about war all night Thursday and decided to download the game.  Friday night, I was sitting on my bed playing the game.  Jay plopped down next to me and showed me his kingdom and asked me some questions.  We sat there for a while and then Doug flopped on the end of the bed.  We probably sat there for over an hour, talking about the game and discussing strategies and what we’ve learned.  Nerdy?  Yes, unquestionably.  But it made my weekend.

As the little sister, separated from my brothers by 8 and 9.5 years, we don’t share interests in the way that my brothers share interests.  I like Star Wars, Legos, and stuff, but I don’t love it.  They love video games, and while I don’t dislike them, I have no desire to play them (Camelot aside). We love comic book movies, and the whole family loves Big Bang Theory.  (But who doesn’t, I mean seriously.)  We’re actually so incredibly alike, as I type all this out.

I love my brothers, and unsurprisingly, I look up to them and think they’re the best brothers in the whole world.  Sitting there, playing the game with them until after midnight, I kind of felt like a little kid again, when my brothers would let me ride home from church with them.  I’d sit in the back seat, roll the window down, and feel so, so cool, because it was just the three of us, and we were on our own, and I got to be there.

I feel incredibly blessed to have my family, and my awesome friends who were there to cheer me up during my November funk.  I thank God for them all everyday, and it’s still not nearly enough for the amazing people He’s put in my life.  I am thankful for so much, like my job, my home, and all the opportunities God has blessed me with, but none of them compare to the people I love.   May I never forget that.

Stream of Conscious Ramblings

I like to think that while I may not have my life together, I keep myself together pretty well.  There’s a distinction there, you know.

Anyway, last week, I was not together.  My schedule this semester has been all kinds of off with visiting family and friends, and having lots of weekend commitments for work and for studying.  I missed my family like crazy last week, and last weekend, Stef took pity on me and we met up to see a movie and hang out.  I had it together a little better this week, thanks in large part to that lovely outing.  My dear friend Stef also came to see me yesterday, and we hung out and shopped and hit Michael’s craft store TWICE.  Suffice to say, I’m feeling good.

I get to see my mama on Tuesday night, less than 48 hours from now, and were it not midnight, I’d bounce with glee because I MISS MY MAMA.  And I get to see my Boogie-face on Thursday.  He was very upset to be told it wasn’t Christmas and it’s not time to open presents yet, but I blame my bro and SIL for putting wrapped presents out a full month before Christmas.  Kiddo’s only 3 and 1/2 and that’s a long time to wait.  I told him he couldn’t open presents and he hung up on me.  It was hilarious.  I laughed.

I bought him a light saber for Christmas.  He said he needed it.  I believed the rhetoric and bought him a blue light saber that lights up and makes battle noises.  *accepts best aunt trophy*  Can’t wait to give it to him.

Two more weeks of the semester.  One week to get the indep study done, one week to write the final project for marketing.

Christmas in 36 days.  MBA graduation in 175 days.  Great unknown wide world of possibility in 176 days.